[WHY DO WE FEAR JUDGEMENT FROM OTHERS SO MUCH?] PART 2
So in PART 1, I discussed the Triune brain theory and how the mammalian brain is responsible for us worrying about what people think about us.
I also eluded to their being a couple things we can do to help "quiet" those noisy mammals and bring us back into our human brain!
If you didn't read PART 1, you will want to start there!
Seriously, go back and read it! Otherwise this next bit may confused the fuck out of you!
SO, now that you have read PART 1, lets get cracking with PART 2!
Right now, you are probably thinking "how do i start giving less of a fuck about what people think TJ?"
The first thing to know is that, ultimately, you will NEVER completely not give a fuck.
But with the tools I am about to share and a little practise, you will be able to minimise the effects of social judgement.
Essentially, all our fears of social judgement come from a lack of confidence in ourselves in a certain areas of our lives.
I myself, for example, am confident enough in myself to post these long winded rambles on social media and videos of me rolling around like a fucking idiot!
But I haven't been so confident in my ability as a business owner over the last couple of years, so I have spent countless hours worrying about what "THEY" will think and thus, not taking action on things out of fear of "THEM".
So the real trick to reducing the effects of social judgement is to increase our own self confidence!
So let's get stuck in!
[First up is VALUES.]
VALUES are the compass in which we live our lives by, the steer us in our desired direction.
They help to point us in the right direction in our lives and keep us on course. VALUES are words that carry deep meaning to us and sum up the kind of person we would like to show up as in the world.
They allow us to quickly determine if past, present or future actions will lead us to BE the kind of person we most deeply aspire to be. They also allow us to quickly identify if we have veered of course too.
VALUES create confidence in ourselves as we can quickly cut through social judgement bullshit and determine if our actions, thoughts or words are in alignment with our values.
For example, my values are Truth, Joy and Love. I know that if someone where to question one of my posts, I would ask myself;
"Did I share my Truth in that post? Did I hide or hold back any of my truth in that post?"
"Did sharing that post bring me Joy? Where was Joy removed by sharing that post?"
"Did I share that post from a place of Love? Are the any elements of that post that aren't coming from a place of Love?"
If I can answer all of those with a resounding YES! Then my worries about that persons opinion of my post lose their power.
Because I become CERTAIN that I delivered that post with Truth, Joy and Love.
My intention is very clear to me, which is ultimately what matters. As I will NEVER be able to make my intentions clear to everyone! So as long as I know that each of my posts comes from my VALUES, I don't need to worry about other peoples thoughts on them (which also means I don't get caught up in how many likes and comments they receive).
[The second area I will cover today is BELIEFS.]
Our BELIEFS determine our thoughts, actions and emotions!
For example, if my beliefs around money where that money is scarce, you have to work HARD for money and having lots of money makes you greedy and selfish.
How do you think I will act, think and feel towards attracting more money into my life? (The beliefs above were MY beliefs around money! Imagine how that effected me as a business owner!)
Or what if my beliefs around money where that money is abundant, is a reward for excellent service and lots of money allows greater potential to give back and to choose. How do you think I will act, think and feel towards attracting more money into my life with those beliefs?
The two sets of beliefs will MASSIVELY change my actions, thoughts and feelings towards money!
Often we have heard about limiting beliefs, here are some I here quite frequently;
"I'm never going to lose weight"
"I'm just not a healthy person"
"My body is a mess"
"I can't charge what I think I'm worth, people won't pay that"
"I can't be myself in my business, I have to behave in a certain way"
Think about how those beliefs will effect those that carry them.
Do you think the person that believes "I'm never going to lose weight" will ever lose weight easily? Of course not! Their very actions, thoughts and feelings are all geared to believe that weight loss is impossible for them!
But the truth is they CAN lose weight and if they take consistent action they WILL lose weight.
Do you think someone who believes "I can't charge what I think I'm worth, people won't pay that" will ever get a sense of financial success in their business? NO! because they will always feel undervalued and underpaid!
The reality is people will pay for what they want. There are people out there will happily pay £2,000 for a fucking pen! There ARE people out there that WILL pay you what you are worth.
Our BELIEFS around everything determine how we think, feel and act in our day to day lives. If you can identify beliefs that do not serve you that well, you can start to unpick the belief. And once you have done that, you can start to create new, more empowering beliefs.
By understanding our BELIEFS about the world, we can become very certain of how our thoughts, feelings and actions will lead us on our path. If we are confident that our BELIEFS are serving us as best as possible, then we grow less concerned about what others believe. As our BELIEFS are for us, and their's are for them.
Thus, we are again less concerned about the opinion of others.
[So to recap]
VALUES allow us to create a great deal of certainty that our thoughts, feelings and actions reflect who we aspire to be.
Whilst our BELIEFS allow us to create a great deal of certainty that our thoughts, feelings and actions are going to serve us in powerfully positive ways.
Both of which allow us to know ourselves extremely well, generating huge amounts of confidence in who we are, what we stand for and how we show up in the world.
Once we are confident in OURSELVES, the opinion of others seems a little less.....scary.
Truth, Joy, Love.
P.S. If fear of judgement is something you struggle with, we should have a chat, I have LOTS of personal experience in this area that might be quite useful!