• TJ

[The Truth About Why You Feel Anxious, Awkward And Sometimes Artificial]

Imagine this, you are walking down the street and you notice a building on fire, you go a little closer to get a better view. As you do you notice someone drop from one of the windows down the side of the building which is now engulfed in the inferno. You look around and no one else seems to have noticed, you run over to where the person fell to find them badly injured and incoherent. You decide that leaving them next to the blazing building is surely going to result in their demise, so you pick them up as best you can and start moving them away from the flaming building. As you get a safe distance away and clear the smoke onlookers see you and rush over to help. Once the person is taken into the care of the emergency services, people start asking all sorts of questions about what happened. You want to say what actually happened, but in a moment of blind panic you want to tell a good story, one that everyone will love and admire, you don’t think the real version will make for great listening. So you begin to recount a story that is VERY exaggerated and inflated to make it sound more interesting. The news crews show up and start bombarding you with questions about how you knew they were in there, how you found them and how you dragged them from certain death. Despite your awareness that the more you talk the bigger the lie gets and the deeper you go down the rabbit hole, you continue to elaborate on your tall tale. A media frenzy ensues and you are now set to appear on national television on various talk shows and news shows to explain how you bravely saved the life of another. Farfetched I know, but just take a moment to imagine how you would feel during those interviews. Anxious that people won’t buy your fabricated story and reject it and you? Awkward about the lies and deceit and that people will find out? Artificial and like a fake because of your playing up to the cries of hero even though you KNOW it’s greatly exaggerated? But better to tell them what they “want to hear” and having them love the story as opposed to saying what YOU want to say and risk them being indifferent or loathing the story, right? Hopefully that last question had you SCREAMING “of course not!” at me. Obviously it’s INFINITELY better to deliver the message YOU want to deliver and let the chips fall where they may than to try and control how the message is received. Not only for everyone that hears the story, but also for YOU, your sanity and your sense of integrity. Delivering the message you MOST want to deliver will of course leave some loving it, some loathing it and some indifferent. But most importantly, YOU will love it, because it’s your story and it’s TRUE for you. If it seems so obvious in this intense inflated example, yet many of us miss this in our everyday conversations. We concern ourselves more with how the message is received, than how it is delivered. We worry that what we say may upset some, that it could offend and that it could have people think negatively of us. We overlook if the message we are about to deliver is in alignment with who we are, what we believe and how we feel about the message. Because here is the truth, until you accept that anything and everything we say and do will leave some loving us, some loathing us and others aloof, we will always feel anxious, awkward and artificial about what we are saying and doing. When we DO accept that and decide to deliver the words and actions we MOST want to deliver in ways we MOST want to deliver them we feel calm, collected and authentic. Might be worth deliberating on your own focus, how others will receive your message or how you will deliver it. Truth, Joy, Love TJ ✌🏻 P.s. This doesn’t mean I believe it’s ok or cool to be a dick and say and do whatever the fuck you want. What I DO believe is that most of us actually want to deliver messages that are pleasant for others to hear, however we sometimes go a little too dar from our actual message to make it easier on the ears. But that tends to leave a heavy feeling in our soul.

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TJ Hubbard Confidence Coach

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