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[The Immense Issue With “Fake It Til You Make It” When It Comes To Confidence]



Truth be told, I believe there are a number of issues with ‘fake it til you make it’, but this one is a BIG one particularly when confidence is involved. See the fundamental flaw with this platitude is that it’s paradoxical. How can you fake being confident if you are not confident? Because the thoughts, words and actions of a confident person are just that, confident. The thoughts, words and actions of someone who lacks confidence are just that, lacking confidence. But let’s over look that for now and assume you could fake it convincingly, you are still faking it. And therein lies the immense issue. Confidence has a feedback loop, one which either works positively or negatively depending on how you set it up. ‘Faking it’ sets up a negative feedback loop. Let’s say you use a ‘fake it til you make it’ approach to get better in social situations, you try to act big, bold and perhaps even a bit brash in order to exude confidence. The behaviour gets a response from others you deem to be positive, thus you feel more ‘confident' about behaving in that way again in the future. Perhaps you even become overwhelmingly popular with this new ‘confidence’ and you are commanding many conversations. All seems to be going well. Yet, for all the ‘success’ and all the ‘confidence’, you don’t actually feel all that confident at all. In fact, you probably feel LESS confident. You feel less confident because in order to be ‘confident’ you had to be someone you are not. You had to do things you wouldn’t normally do. You therefore have a superficial sense of success. What you have ACTUALLY been feeding back to yourself is that YOU are not good enough to be respected, revered and rejoiced. YOU are not interesting enough to have people attracted to you, attentive to you and absorbed by you. YOU are not hilarious enough to have people jovial, joking and joyous in your company. No, what you have ACTUALLY told yourself is that in order to be respected, revered and rejoiced you must PRETEND to be someone that you are not. In order to have people attracted to you, attentive to you and absorbed by you, you must speak and act in ways UNFAMILIAR to you. In order to allow people to be jovial, joking and joyous in your company, you must DISTORT yourself. When you really boil it down, ‘fake it til you make it’ only serves to strengthen the current story line that 'you are not enough’. Which will only perpetuates the problem and cause you to doubt yourself MORE as all your evidence suggests YOU aren’t what excites and engages people. Faking forges fractures. In our own opinions of ourself and in others opinions of us too. Authenticity assembles authority. Where are you faking it? Truth, Joy Love TJ ✌🏻


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